In Chains Yet so Vulnerable

Today I went to my pharmacy to get some of my medications. They had given me the wrong dose the previous time and so I had run out twice as quickly as usual. They told me that I needed to call my doctor and have her call in the right prescription (which I've been filling in Arkansas just fine for months) and that I couldn't get any more for five days. I only had enough for one more night. uh oh. Fortunately, my dad and I are on the same medication so I will be able to use some of his till mine can get filled. I got upset when I was telling my parents about how I couldn't get my pills yet. I even got emotional.

This event brought to mind a fear of mine that I've had for a few years now. Since I have type I Diabetes and a few other conditions that I have to take daily medication for, I am at the pharmacy every week or so. I can't get my medicine early, so I have to pick it up a few days before I'm out. This makes me nervous because if there is a problem, like today, it can make it difficult to get a hold of my medicine.

My entire well-being is in the hands of other people. I am at the mercy of the drug companies, and the pharmacy, and the insurance company to get the medication I need to function day-to-day. This is scary. I don't like being at the mercy of these people. Things go wrong, people make mistakes, and I have to pay for them. I already have to keep on top of my Diabetes, and take all my pills at the right times. And it's not cheap either. When you pay nearly two hundred dollars for a couple of months worth of insulin, you aren't able to buy as many shoes as you might like.

This fear of being dependent on others to get my medication goes beyond the run-of-the-mill human error in dosage. It is the fear of what would happen to me in a disaster. If I was in a natural disaster or our country was at war, how would I get the medicine I need? How would I keep them at the proper temperature so they don't spoil? How would I get a hold of sterile needles for my injections? Batteries for my pump? Pills so I can sleep at night? Insulin to keep my blood sugar from reaching dangerous levels? These thoughts make me feel so vulnerable.

I'm connected to an electronic device 24/7. This is normal for me, but sometimes when I stop and think about it,  I realize how precarious my Diabetes treatment is. If I were to go without food or insulin for a day, there would be dire consequences for my body. I feel so trapped. I feel chained to my medication because of my diseases, yet the chains are not strong enough to keep me always supplied with medication. They keep me bound to their medicinal powers, but if they were taken away, I shudder to think what my life would be like. I mean, one of my organs doesn't work properly, and that's just one thing that's wrong with my body.

The thing that keeps me from spinning into a panic is my God. He will always look after me. If I was ever separated from my medication, I know that God would be working something out in His plan. Even if that plan was for me to die soon, I know that He is in control. He is always in control, that's how I can live my life, because of Him. He created me. He allowed me to have these physical problems, and He will carry me through the challenges they present in my life. He doesn't want me to worry about the future, or even tomorrow. So I lay these fears at His feet and ask that He would give me the strength to live each day for Him, and know that He will take care of everything.


"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
~Matthew 6:34 NIV