How is it that I can understand the transition college students go through in theory, yet it still gets me when I see it in my own life? I just had a wonderful time out with my family seeing the Avengers (which is insanely epic) and I babbled and gushed about the movie as usual, but my mom was working to get my Dad and sister to talk about their feelings. I shut up, but then when everyone had asked everyone but me questions about the movie (beyond general "it was awesome" comments) I began to feel left out.
Then coming home, they were embroiled in a debate about what needed to be done this week and I was surprised to note that it had nothing to do with me. Now, I'm not egotistical, but before I left for college, the four of us were all interconnected, and for various reasons, I was given a large voice and a lot of time and attention. Now, coming back, I see that my family has grown accustomed to my absence.
Now, don't get me wrong, I've changed too. I'm much more independent than I was before I left. In fact, I was the one talking to the hostess at the restaurant and the one saying that we would all take water to drink. I'm used to being on my own--or at least not under my parents. And they are used to not having me here. This is going to take some adjusting. I hadn't realized this fully until today.
And I guess the hardest part is that I'm not really happy to be home. I'm not. I wish that I was at college starting anther set of classes, or that I was only home for a month. I have never dreaded a summer more in my life. I did not want to say goodbye to all of my great friends. I did not want to stop being on a class schedule. I did not want to leave my freedom behind to come back to the nest. I feel like a young bird who has to return to it's comfortable, yet lonely cage for 3.5 months before being allowed to fly back to her friends and her freedom. I haven't been happy since I got back. I can only hope that it will get better, and that I will find things to keep me busy till that blessed day in August when I can return to the wonderful kingdom of Jayboo where all my friends will be.
Freshman year flew by on angels' wings. I can only hope that this summer will fly by equally fast.
I completely understand these feelings - I share almost all of them with you. Even yesterday, my mom and Lindsey took my dog to my grandma's house and didn't even bother to tell me they were going over there. Which kinda miffed me a little, but this has happened a lot to me in the past year - and I've lived at home all year!
ReplyDeleteSorry girl, I hear ya. At least all of us have each other to come back to in August. I think that things will get easier. Though I don't know when we'll get back into a groove with our families this summer. I know that next summer will prolly be easier...at least I hope it is. Hang in there! Only 13 weeks to go!
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