Good Pride?

Pride, we all hate it. We shudder to admit that we are proud, or we proudly flaunt it to get attention. Either way, as Christians, we are taught to hate pride and do all we can to crush it into humility. This is a worthy goal, BUT....

What's this? you might be thinking--there are no ifs, ands, or buts when it comes to pride. I disagree, and so does Paul.

I was reading Galatians for my Bible Study today and came across a verse in chapter 6 that I was not familiar with. I've read the whole Bible, and most of it I've read multiple times, but this passage seemed to leap out at me in a way that it had never done before.

"Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load." ~Galatians 6:4-5

This was in the section about carrying one another's burdens. But look at that! It says that we are to take pride in ourselves. Woah! What are you talking about Paul? Are you crazy?! We can't be prideful! That's a sin!! False.

Pride in oneself is not wrong. But look at how Paul sets it up, we are to take pride in ourselves, testing our actions against ourselves, NOT others. This is so often where our pride is found, in feeling that we are better than others. That is where boasting comes from too, which Paul goes on in chapter six to bash saying that our only boast should be in Christ. I believe that pride in our personal growth, in our good deeds, and in ourselves as children of God is not only allowed, but necessary. Self-confidence that we are growing in Christ and made in His image, and even in our accomplishments is needed. Otherwise, we tell God over and over that His progress in us, and His very creation of us was broken and not good enough. Our self-esteem and pride should come from God and who we are in Him, not by making ourselves feel better than others.

As women, I know that this can be a challenge. So often, I see someone who seems to have it all, beauty (inside and out), some skill I wish I was better at, a good group of friends, a significant other, and a seemingly perfect life. This makes me feel inferior and I can either find things about them that I can do better, or I find a bunch of other people who I can raise myself above. This does not always happen, but sometimes it does. Even a thing as simple as a woman having a larger chest than me can make me feel inferior and feel the need to find something that I have which she doesn't. This is the wrong kind of pride.

This is Satan's twisting of something God meant for good. So, let's kick Satan down and take pride in ourselves, the right way! By finding our pride in God and our own selves, not in how we are better than others.

Science Fiction and Nerding Out!

So, yesterday I saw Batman: The Dark Knight Rises in the Seattle Imax and went to the Experience Music Project, a unique music, scify, and pop culture museum. I geeked out so much at the museum!! I guess I should talk about Batman, let's just say it was better than I expected. I would love to talk about it with you in person or over text. But I think you can figure out my favorite character:

I mean, she is just another example of the kick-butt Lion type personality female characters I like to watch on the silver screen. I need to stop being so silly with my Photoshopping though. lol

Before entering the Scify part, we walked through the traveling exhibit on Avatar. It was rather interesting, even though I'm not a big fan of the movie. The artists model renderings of the heads were really cool and I discovered that the Avatars make me look even shorter. lol

 Then it was on to the rest of the museum:

 Star Trek was there of course! Uhura's and Data's uniforms were there along with Kirk's Captains Chair and lots of tribbles.

 Star wars was also present with Darth Vader's Lightsaber from the original series, his scars from Return of the Jedi, and Yoda's staff and necklace.

More pieces included a model of the alien spacecraft from Independence Day, the blaster gun from Men in Black, and Neo's coat from the Matrix. An assortment of weapons lined two cases, and the large Klingon bat'leth on the right was especially familiar. :)

The Piece dé resistance if you will was the Imperial Dalek from Doctor Who. The Seventh Doctor encountered this one, and it was really cool to see a real one in person. EXTERMINAAATTEE!!!

After that we wandered into the horror film section. Most of these were foreign to me, but I enjoyed seeing a few that I was familiar with:

 This wall gave you funny shadows when you stood in front of it and moved around.

 This suit was worn by a guy in Michael Jackson's Thriller music video!!!!

And these belong to a certain Jonny Depp Character: Edward Scissorhands!!! I love that movie!!! 

So, I just wanted to share my nerdiness with y'all. I hope you don't disown me over this. So, I must end this post in true nerd fashion, Live Long and Prosper!!

The Little Things

This post is a response to Lauren's post about the happiness that comes with the little things in life. http://simplesongwriter.blogspot.com/2012/07/little-things-vbs.html#comment-form

The last post I drafted was one in which I was feeling angsty about my life and problems (Diabetes, other various health issues, being cut off from friends and being stuck at my house). I just felt trapped, like a caged bird.

I have since got over this angst, and though sometimes I just think having Diabetes sucks, I know that this caged bird can still sing, in spite of it's circumstances. Now, I don't have it bad, I am so blessed with many wonderful and huge blessings. I know that I am better off than most even with my challenges. But I don't want to talk about the big things, because sometimes the little blessings mean the most in the moment. Although, in the absence of the big blessings, I'm not sure we would notice the small ones as much.

Little joys: The soft fur of a cat as you give her attention. Her contented purrs and kisses when she's happy. The smell of a hot breakfast in the morning. The smell of my mother's cooking at night. Painting cross-legged, on the cool grass in the backyard with one eye on the canvas and the other on the gorgeous clouds. Seeing Brave for the first time. Finding a song that perfectly describes your feelings. Skypeing with friends. Talking on the phone with friends. Getting a text from a friend. Seeing a comment on your story from friends. Hugs from those you love. A Mickey Mouse Tumbler full of cool water. The Disney Store employee remembering you. When a cat jumps up to be on the bed you are blogging from. Playing Just Dance until you are worn out. Cleaning while rocking out to music. Memories of friends from college. Getting appreciation for your artwork. Completing a painting or drawing. Laughing with someone about the past. Laughing till it hurts. The smell of Old Spice on my dad. Finding my mom's red head in a crowd. Closing all the curtains of my canopy bed. Falling into bed ready to sleep. Finding the perfect item of clothing at the store. Seeing friends so in love. The anticipation of a wedding. Ghirradelli 60% coco chocolate squares. Seeing pictures of the ones I love on facebook. Hearing about friend's plans changing for the better. Writing a new piece of fiction. Getting a new creative idea and doing something with it. Getting a comment from a dear friend unexpectedly. Freshly painted fingernails. Finding someone who understands and shares your nerdiness. Finding a lot of these someones and feeling like you finally found where you belong.

All these things add up to make a girl very happy. These are things that I am surrounded with and experiencing right now. How can I fail to be grateful when I see all the joys God has showered on me. Counting my blessings truly makes me thankful for everything. God is so good. He does not promise me a happy life, but a full one (john 10:10) so I will count my blessings while I have them and look ahead toward whatever God has planned for me next.

So, I'll challenge you to do the same thing, what are you thankful for? What are the small things in life that add up to meaning a whole lot? Once you start, you'll find you can come up with more than you have room to write. :)

My Story

So, I hope y'all have been enjoying my first crack at writing fiction that other people actually get to read. I have no idea where this story is going, but you didn't hear that from me. Since it's getting so long, I think it makes the most sense to move it from this blog to another one. I've transferred all the past 7 posts to this new address:

http://rosewritesfiction.blogspot.com/

There you will find all the old posts and the new ones as part 8 and beyond are written. Happy reading!!

(7) The Tomb of the Dead

I'm not a person who would count herself as having a weak stomach, but the combination of extreme dehydration, being left unconscious twice, and waking up in a room full of hundreds of rotting corpses pushed me over the edge. My vision blacked out, there was a ringing in my ears, and I collapsed on the stone ground. I pulled my matted hair behind my head just before I wretched.  The only thing that came up was stomach bile and the last remains of that potion which burned my throat. Dry heaves followed and I had to lay there for a long while before I felt well enough to sit up again. Sweat was trickling down my face and neck and tears had leaked out of my eyes. My body was feeling rough. I needed to get out of there or I was going to die from dehydration. I clutched the stone table I had lain on for support as I raised myself into a standing position. The smell of death and rotting flesh filled the room, it was strong enough to overpower the smell of my own vomit. I stared around for a way out. In the corner of my eye, I thought I saw a body sit up under its sheet. I snapped my head around, stifling a small gasp, but nothing seemed changed. All of the bodies in my field of vision were laying down, no doubt decomposing into the stone. My mind must be playing tricks on me. I continued to scan the room, but there was another movement in the corner of my eye. Once I had a good look: nothing. I was allowing myself to get creeped out. I had to stay strong. I was only afraid of the unknown. I couldn't let fear rule my life. I paused for a moment, and closed my eyes.
I carried my fears to their logical conclusion:  
What if the bodies, the half-decomposed corpses, were moving. So what? What was I afraid they would do? The worst they could do would be to kill me. Well, I had already faced death once, besides, I wasn't afraid of death at all. When my time came, be in now or years later, I would welcome it.
My eyes opened with a sigh of relief. This time, they did not hesitate in finding the only opening leading out of this tomb. I started walking that way, knowing I needed to find water before I joined the corpses from natural causes. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a great deal of movement. I kept my eyes forward. Just because I was no longer afraid of the ultimate consequences of my fear, didn't mean that corpses stalking me wasn't affecting me at all. When I walking as fast as I possibly could manage in my condition the movement behind me reached a very noticeable level; I jerked around. Over half of the bodies in the room were following me. Their sheets were still over their ruined bodies, making them appear like one imagines ghosts. They all stopped moving the instant I turned around. Only the folds of the fabric settling into new positions showed how quickly they had been following me. I didn't know what to do. I tried backing up, but I stepped on someone's foot, and it wasn't alive.

They had me surrounded.

(6) A Message Beyond the Grave

I was swimming. My body was floating up through the levels of cool water that got colder with each successive level. The surface was in sight, but the light above was darker and more like torch light than sunlight. I became more aware of my senses as I reached the surface of the water. I opened my mouth to gulp air the moment I reached the surface, but I gagged on cloth instead.
I opened my eyes as I pulled the thin, white cloth out of my mouth. The cloth seemed to cover my whole body. I stared through it at the stone ceiling above me. I seemed to be in an old cavern. A torch nearby provided light for me to see. I laid there for a moment, wondering what was going on, then a voice started talking to me...from inside my head...and it wasn't mine.

It sounded familiar, but I could not quite place the man's tired voice at first, "Hello, you are hearing me now because of a potion I gave you between the extraction of your memories and your death. Contrary to what the Beasts and even you believed, I was not planning on killing you. I merely made you appear as one who was dead. Your thoughts were conveyed to the Beasts. I hope that you told them only what you wanted them to know. I gave them whatever you thought about. I have been forced into doing the Beast's dirty work for years, but I'm sick of it. I'm going to be long gone by the time you wake up. I'm only glad that I was able to save your life. I'd do anything for John, and I know he'd want you to be protected. This message is almost over. You're on your own now. I won't be able to help you anymore. Just one last thing before I go. Try to stay calm, they're not going to hurt you."

I laid there, staring up at the stones thinking about what this man left in my head. He had saved my life, and I didn't even know his name. He was safer that way, but how did he know about John? I puzzled over that for a moment before I was overwhelmed with thirst. The potion had dried my body out and the cloth had left a musty taste on my parched tongue. I sat up quickly and got dizzy from dehydration. My vision went black for a moment as the cloth slid off my face. As my eyes adjusted back I saw that I was indeed in a torch-lit cavern. I was on a stone table. There seemed to be a lot of other similar stone tables covered in sheets like mine. I swung my legs over the side of the table and looked more closely at the one next to mine. I saw the shape of a body under the sheet. I lifted the cloth, wondering how many sleeping people were down here.
I had to shove my fist in my mouth to keep from screaming.
The body under the cloth was half-rotted and crawling with maggots. The skin was mostly off the skull. It stared ever upward with empty sockets.

I was in a room full of hundreds of corpses.

(5) Prepared for Death

The man looked into my eyes with an unfathomable expression. I opened my mouth to tell him what I thought about the Beast's plan, what he could do with his potion, and most of all...that there was no way in a thousand years that I would give the Beasts any information. Before I had more than one angry syllable out of my mouth he poured the orange liquid down my throat. I spluttered angrily and would have cursed at him if he hadn't shaken his head sadly at me and held a finger to his lips. I didn't really need the gesture, the potion had a debilitating effect on my ability to speak.
I was spinning into a world of orange oblivion. Blue and green stars burst before my eyes and I lost all connection with my physical body. My thoughts automatically jumped to the thing that brought them the most comfort: John. The Beast's must have known this would happen, but they underestimated a young woman's love and what that could enable her to do. In my spinning delirium I snapped my mind away from all truth relating to John and fell back to old stories, hear-say, and general myth. I wove a tale so brilliant that I defied even the Beasts to discover it's falsehood before I was dead and the secret dead with me. Locked inside my head forever.
I only hoped John would escape from the Beasts forever. This was all I could do. This was all I could give. I would protect him in the only way that I could. I felt the delirium lessen. Blackness was creeping in around the edges of my mind. I was fading. Where was that light at the end of the tunnel people always spoke of? I guess it was just a story to help the weak face death with more courage. I was prepared to die. I was more than willing to die for the one I loved. The blackness was almost completely enclosing me now. "Goodbye John" I thought. "I will..."
Silence in her mind. She thought no more.

(4) Death in a Bottle

I couldn't let anything happen to John. I would protect him in any way that I could, if it was the last thing I did. The raging flames of passion burned inside me as I tried to think of a way to keep him safe. My body trembled from the crash and new adrenaline rush. I felt as though my body was trying to shake itself apart from the inside out. It was a very unpleasant feeling. My body was no doubt also protesting the lack of food and drink. I thought about asking for some, before realizing that my impending death made life-sustaining things like that obsolete. I thought for a long while on that table. Finally, my voice, trembling like my body, broke the silence.
"How are you going to take my memories?" I tried to make my voice as innocent as possible with the right amount of curiosity present to seem real. I was not surprised by the silence that followed. This man was not very verbose. I tried pleading with him, yelling at him, trying to break my restraints: no reaction. Nothing. Not even an acknowledgment of my presence. Eventually I started to cry. The tears slid down my face and into my ears. This was quite uncomfortable. I wanted to sit up, but I was trapped lying down on this sterile table covered with an old sheet. I laid there, pouring over the memories I had of John. When I compared them to my other memories, the ones without him, I noticed that the memories he was in were brighter. They were more wonderful. Everything seemed better when I was with him. Even other happy times before we met were dim when held up against the glowing light that radiated from every stolen moment with him, every little look and touch. I would not lose these memories and give him up to the Beasts.
The hours dragged on. I was unable to sleep, but I was also unable to do anything else, so I thought about John. Finally, after what seemed like an age. The man in the white coat came over to my table holding a flask of an orange liquid in it. He looked me in the eyes and said, "This potion will reveal what you are thinking about as it enters your mind. I want you to think about everything the Beasts want to know about John. His physical appearance, place of residence, and other such details would be appreciated. When the extraction is complete I will administer another potion which will kill you"

(3) Not Him

Ice blue eyes pierced through mine with an intensity I was unaccustomed to. He had a gaunt face, with pronounced cheek bones and a long chin ending in a somewhat haphazard-looking white beard to match his long white eyebrows and equally white and haphazard hair which reached his collar. He stared at me for a long while, the reached a long finger up to scratch his nose. He sighed. His eyes closed and I felt as though a spotlight had been turned off my face. He turned back to his concoction and added a vial of a purple liquid to the mixture that was smoking faintly. I was still rooted to the spot. Why didn't he say anything? Why had he turned back to his work? Who was he? How did he and I relate to each other in the Beasts' schemes?
"Sir", I ventured, "where am I?" I decided that my location was the most pressing mystery at the moment. He didn't answer. I tried again, louder this time and still he didn't respond. I reached a trembling arm out to tap his shoulder and I repeated the question. He brushed my arm away as though it were a pesky fly. I tried grasping his shoulder firmly, but he shook me off. I shouted as loud as I could, and still he refused to acknowledge me. I plopped down on the sheet-covered table and rethought my strategy. I attempted to be more aggressive and turn him to face me by force, but he was too strong. That failing, my frustration reached its boiling point. I turned to the wall of flasks and selected a medium-sized one full of a pond-green liquid with a dead fish suspended in it. I threw it will all my might in his direction screaming "TELL ME!!" It smashed just a few inches from his left hand. The contents splashed all over his arm and dribbled down the counter and his left trouser leg.
He stopped his work. Slowly, he turned to face me, his eyes full of, was it pity? Then they turned to ice blocks and he took two quick strides toward me. Before I had time to react he was in my face grabbing my wrist in an uncomfortably tight grip.
"You were sent to me so I could extract some memories from your mind before I kill you. You will only be let out of this room when they are sure you are dead. Now that you know, I am going to have to restrain you." He said this with a tired lilt to his voice. As though he had been doing this sort of thing for years, but was wearied by it. He was going to kill me, after taking my memories? How was he going to accomplish this? I thought about struggling against his grip, but I realized that there was no use. I had lost everything, and now my life was going to be removed from my body along with the only thing I had that brought me any joy: my memories.
His eyes looked sad when the man saw I had lost all the fight in me. He led me silently over to the table and laid me on it. He raised straps up from the sides of it and used them to tightly bind my hands and feet. I allowed my body to go limp. There was nothing left for me to do. It was over. I was as good as dead now. But one thing puzzled me. I turned to him as he tightened my last restraint.
"What memories do they want?' I asked in a hollow voice. He stared at me for a long moment, as though he were trying to ascertain my ability to handle the answer. He must have seen something which showed him the affirmative because he said: "The memories relating to a man named John."
The fire which had died within me flared up so strong and fierce I thought I would burst into flames. Suddenly nothing else mattered. I had to escape. I had to. I couldn't let them get to him. Not him. Oh why did they want him? I could have died quietly in this cell if I knew he was safe. Not him. Not John.

(2) The Impossible Room

My eyes slowly slid into focus. Directly in front of me was a pair of shoes attached to a pair of legs in dark trousers. The owner of the legs was standing with his back to me, giving me a fine view of his long, white coat. I tilted my head back ever so slightly so I could see the man in the white coat better. He was busy fiddling with something on a long counter. He reached above him to pull a flask full of a blue liquid off the shelf overhead and placed it gingerly on the counter beside him. My senses were heightened. I slowly pulled myself into a sitting position and sat there, still as a mouse for a moment. Then, I turned my head to look around. There was a single table covered with a white sheet to my right, and to my left there was a large facet and a small metal drain. The walls were stone, like the floor, and they were covered in strange instruments, shelves filled with jars containing strange substances, and diagrams showing chemical compounds and...human internal structures. I was in a laboratory.
Why had the beasts brought me here? What could this man do to me? What were his orders? Why was I left unchained on the ground? I turned my attention back to the man in the coat, but he was still busy at his chemicals. I got slowly to my feet, my eyes scanning for a way out. I turned in a circle three times, there was no door, nor any windows. How had I gotten in here? I searched the floor and saw no sign of a trapdoor in the small, square room. I looked up at the ceiling and still could find no exit. There had to be one! I hadn't been walled in here had I? I was just bringing my eyes back to the man in the coat when I froze. He was staring right at me.

(1) Moonlit Flight

I was running, faster than I've ever run before. My heart was racing and I thought the blood pumping through my temples was going to split the thin veneer of skin separating it from the air whipping past my sweat-soaked face. I was being chased. I could not stop. One misstep equaled death. Trees were snatching at my arms and brambles were tearing deep gashes in my legs but I could not stop. The gasps escaping my lips were not those of pain, I was beyond that, they were the only means air could find its way into my desperate lungs. My chest was heaving and my sides aching, but I could not stop. They were coming for me.
How had they found me? What could I have done to give myself away? What would happen if they caught up to me? My mind was rolling these thoughts in a tumbling cyclic vortex when I rounded that corner. My body was falling, but only for a moment. I slammed into the ground and thought "This is it, I'm dead." I was lying there in the mud and my own blood when the footfalls behind me were suddenly above me. A strong, rough hand reached down and dragged me up by my tangled locks. It held me, suspended a foot above the ground so that my face was level with the beast's own. In the moonlight it started into my eyes with it's coal black ones. They flickered when they recognized me as the beast's prey. My hair was pulling on my scalp as it held the entire weight of my body. Tears slid silently down my face and mingled with the sweat dripping down my cheeks and sliding down my neck. The creature turned to it's companion and nodded before I felt my body fall again to the ground. My eyes caught the raised hand of the creature before it fell upon me and I dropped into the spiraling darkness.
The swirling blackness was all I knew. Sensations came, but they were disjointed at best. Cold, smooth stone; drip, drip, drip...water dripping on....something; a terrible pain in my head. This sensation took over from all the others. As the pain grew, it was all I could think of. It was all I knew. Slowly the reality of the pain brought me back to consciousness. When I was finally fully conscious, I kept my eyes closed. I didn't want to face whatever waited my sight. I don't know how long I laid there, just waiting. Waiting for a reason to open my eyes, to see the horror that surely awaited me.
Eventually, I don't know how long it was, human instincts took over and my body demanded food and water. Before I had been hunted down I had gone several hours without food. The energy expended in my flight had used up all my energy stores and I had no idea how long I had been under the tide of consciousness. I held my eyes closed for one more moment, one shining moment, while I assessed my body and its condition. I had not moved a centimeter since I had woken, but I seemed to be in one piece, lying on my side, my legs curled and my arms bent so that my hands were toward my face. My hair tickled at my face and down my back and kept my right cheek off the cold stone that the rest of my body felt beneath it.  I inhaled the damp air through my nose as I prepared to part my eyelashes. As I exhaled I slid my eyes open...

Host Club and Howl: My First Anime Convention!

Adventures? I've got some. Let's try the first time I went to an Anime Convention.

The year was 2010, the place: The Hilton in Bellevue, the event: Aki-Con! The fall Anime convention in Washington state. My sister and I had registered and were eagerly awaiting our departure from the house to a hotel filled with other anime and nerd-dom fans and fanatics. I had been working for over a month on creating us two jackets for our cosplay as Haruhi and Tamaki from Ouran High School Host Club- our current favorite anime. :)  (the show is on youtube and netflix if you wanna watch, I'd rate it at a mild PG-13 for inappropriate stuff and some mild language. It's a young adult show)

For those of you not familiar with the Anime, let me give you a run-down. This is a rom/com about a school for the rich kids of Japan. The girl (yes girl) sitting in the middle of the picture is an honors student who got in the school on a scholarship. She accidentally broke a vase worth more than she could even imagine and now she works as a Host (pretending to be a boy) in the Host club to pay off her debt. The Host Club is a club where the six boys, plus Haruhi, romance girls who come to visit them. They each caeter to certain steryotypes the girls find attractive. Hilarity and sweet moments ensue in the show.

So, my character is the Prince of the group (self-named of course) and is the biggest drama king I've ever seen. I love it! He's the tall blonde in the middle of the picture above. He is kind-of stupid when it comes to dealing with Haruhi, who he falls in love with.  My sister was Haruhi, the poor honors student with a sarcastic and dead-pan sense of humor. It was great!

The irony is that our heights were backwards for our characters. lol.

The first time I walked into the hotel to pick up our badges I was floored. I had never seen so many nerds dressed up as characters before. I was even more excited to get started. I was in plain clothes at the time and I felt out of place! What maddness was this!?

My jacket was not finished on Friday so I ended up going as Emily the Corpse Bride instead. I was surprised and pleased to find that people recognized my character and more than that--they wanted to take my picture! This was new. I felt a bit like a Disneyland Character. My sister and I both ran around with our camera taking pictures of other people dressed as characters we loved. It was so much fun!

That night we watch the opening ceremonies where the power rangers came to save Jonny Young Bosch from the evil villians. It was so hokey, my sister and I rolled our eyes and laughed. Then we settled down to watch those who did well in the AMV (Anime Music Video) contest. My sister's video won!! But there was a problem with the file so we went up and promised to bring a back up copy the next day.

Later that evening we played Mafia with a bunch of other people and I managed to kill a lot of them as the Mafia because no one suspected the poor, sad, Corpse Bride of murder. hehehehe. Then, it was getting late, but my sister was up for the Karaoke contest. She got up and sang the Ouran Theme song and she was smashing! I loved watching her perform.

The next day: Saturday, was the busiest. We were in the skit contest. We were 4th in the lineup. We had written and choreographed this skit together. It was so much fun. I loved working off the energy in the crowd. :)
We didn't place, but it was one of the funnest things I've ever done.

Later, for Sakura Con in the Spring my sister and I entered their skit contest and shortened our skit to 3 mins and changed the ending. If you want to find it, it's on youtube, we called our group "fancy tuna" if you search that with "sakura con 2011" you'll find it.

This was so exciting. I remember being nervous and excited, mostly excited. I we had practiced it so many times--I could have done it in my sleep. But hearing the crowd get the jokes and laugh at us just made me glow! This made me fall in love with performing all over again. And the best part was, I got to share this moment with my very best friend: my sister.

We goofed around the rest of the day, shopped the artist tables, found time to do some caramelldansen, and went to some fun panels.

The last day of the con, Sunday, came and, after getting ready in our church's bathroom, we were toted to the hotel for the afternoon. I was rather looking for a Howl cosplayer and I had been all weekend. Sunday, it turns out, was my luck day. We met a trio of Howl cosplayers:

 Calcifer, Howl, Me, and Sophie

I was a bit of a fangirl here, He posed with me just like Howl does in the "Strolling through the sky" scene in the movie. It turned out that we had both painted our eyebrows blonde for our cosplay, this gave us a starting point for conversation.

My sister and I wandered around amlessly. There wasn't much to do on Sunday that interested us. Eventually, we ran into the Howl group sitting in an empty hallway and we decided--what they hey! Let's join them. So we sat with them and talked about random nerdy stuff. Then we went to get seats for the Closing cermonies together. When some tall-ish people sat in front of me, the Howl cosplayer asked if I wanted to sit in his lab so I could see better. I blushed and declined, showing him how I've learned to cope with my disability (shortness) by sitting on my legs to give me a height boost. My sister was called up to recieve several prizes including the best AMV award. After some techincal difficulties, we were all able to watch her video and we sang along to "Be Our Guest" as the Disney tunes moved in sync with the Ouran characters. I cried as I saw the people around us laughing, singing, and making approving noises as her video played. I was so proud of her. :')

Afterward my sister and I said goodbye to our new friends and when Howl asked for my phone number I lied and told him I didn't have a phone. Then, before they left we exchanged email addresses and wrote to each other a bit. He pretended to be Howl in his emails, which rather tickled me. I have never been sure if he was hitting on me or just being friendly. Eventually he decided he was bi-sexual and now has a boyfriend. yup.

All in all, it was a wonderful experience, significantly enhanced because I was with my sister and best friend. I don't know how long I will go to anime conventions. I just know that I will always cherish the memory of my first con because of the sisterly bond it strengthened.

Diabetes Begins

Well, past adventures were requested. I have more that I shall write about, but I had already written most of this post in an essay for English I. This is the story of my Diagnosis with Diabetes, which was a bit of an adventure.

“Got the news today, doctor said I had to stay/ A little bit longer and I’ll be fine… /And you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone/ And you don’t know what it’s like to feel so low/ And every time you smile, you laugh, you glow/ You don’t even know.”

            These lyrics are to a song Nick Jonas wrote about his life with Type 1 Diabetes called “A Little Bit Longer.” This song was a source of comfort in my life when I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. I was sixteen years old. As my life turned down a path I never expected to take, God was there with me every step of the way.

            It was a Saturday morning in August of 2008 and my family and I had all piled into our van to drive six hours for a family reunion. However, we had to make one stop at our Children’s Hospital on our way out of town. My mom and I checked in and waited in the sea-themed and dimly lit lobby for our pager to vibrate. When it did, a nurse took us back to the examination room. We settled into the vinyl bench to await the special kind of doctor I was there to see: an endocrinologist. The seconds ticked by at half their usual speed. The wait seemed to take forever, and we were beginning to wonder when we would arrive at the family reunion. I was really hungry. When the doctor finally came in, we talked about the slightly high blood sugar count that had shown up in my most recent blood-work. He tested my blood sugar and decided to check me into the hospital. Our family trip was canceled, and I was going to stay overnight in the hospital for the first time since I was born.

            The nurse assigned to my room was a sweet, tall, blonde in her twenties named Amanda. The hospital smelled like rubbing alcohol and latex gloves. The sheets were scratchy, and the pillow was so flat that I had my dad bring mine from home. The sound of doctors walking up and down the hall and phones ringing at the reception desk fell into the background as I sank into the blankets and turned on the television. With the knowledge that a nurse was going to check my blood sugar in the middle of the night, I slowly drifted off to sleep.

            Around 3 am, a few nurses proceeded to poke my finger and check my blood sugar. I heard my mom get up from the spare bed and ask a question. I don’t remember what my blood sugar was or what else was said except for these words spoken by the nurse: “Yes, she has Diabetes.”

            The next morning, I was informed that I would be staying in the hospital for at least another 24 hours. They needed to keep me there to monitor me and teach me about how to live with my newly diagnosed disease. Then Amanda, who was still on duty, came to explain the basics of Diabetes and give me my first dose of insulin.  

“I get that through shots right?” I asked.

            “Yes,” Amanda answered.

            “How did you know that?” my mom asked me.

            I shrugged. “I dunno, I just knew it from somewhere. Why?”

            “Because I wasn’t going to tell you,” she said. I remember feeling slightly annoyed at this. I knew it was out of love on my mom’s part, but I was sixteen years old. Couldn’t I handle a few shots? It turns out that my mom was more right than I realized. After leaving the hospital, I was unable to give myself shots. I had a mental block that stopped me from getting closer than a few centimeters to my skin with that needle. Eventually, my mom threatened to take away my chocolate. The very next time, I gave the shot myself, and I have not had to have anyone do it for me again. Chocolate is a brilliant motivator for me. :)

            In the hospital that morning, I was unable keep my breakfast down, perhaps because of all the stress my body had experienced since the diagnosis. Since the insulin the nurse had just injected into my body no longer had any food to process, I experienced my first low blood sugar. The next several hours were a bit hazy because I was shaking, my eyes were not focusing well, and my brain was having trouble stringing coherent thoughts together. I sat in a small, sterile room with my family, a young couple with a newly diagnosed four-year-old daughter, and our Diabetes educator, Barb. She was a middle-aged woman with long dark hair that had streaks of white in it. I slowly sipped juice to bring my blood sugar back up while listening to Barb talk about managing Diabetes, living with Diabetes, and her own life as a Diabetic. My parents practiced giving each other saline shots and we all gave a pad of fake skin a stab with the syringe. She informed us that a woman with Diabetes was three percent more likely to pass it on to her child than a non-diabetic and that a man with Diabetes was five percent more likely to pass it on.

            “So I am less likely to pass Diabetes on to my k-kids?” I said with a slight blood-sugar-induced stutter.

            Everyone stared at me. My poor family probably feared for my sanity in that moment, and my mom was probably wondering about my math skills. She patted my arm and said with a worried voice, “No sweetie, you are more likely to pass it on.”

            I shook my head slowly and said, “No, I am less likely to than if I was a boy with Diabetes.”The thought had made sense in my head, but it took a second to get it conveyed in words. :)

            Eventually my sister and father left to go home for the night. My mom and I stayed up figuring out how to determine the amount of insulin I needed, and before bed, she gave me a shot. I kept my arm limp and did not show pain because I did not want to make this harder on my mom than it already was. As I lay wrapped up in the rough sheets that night I listened to “A Little Bit Longer.” Somehow, it was comforting to know that someone else in the world had gone through this process and had written a song of encouragement that I felt was directly aimed at me. A year later, when I was at the Jonas Brothers Concert with my sister, we both cried as Nick Jonas told his story about Diabetes and performed this song live. It has been a special song in my life ever since.

            After another training session the next morning, I was discharged from the hospital and given an appointment to see an endocrinologist very soon to help me start my life with Diabetes. I climbed into our van and hugged my pillow. My brain was still processing everything that had happened. I wondered how my friends from church would take the news. The whole congregation already knew because my dad, the pastor, had announced it in church that morning. On the ride home, I realized that my life would never be the same. However, I had something that has kept me going to this day: my faith in Jesus. 

            This August will mark the four year anniversary of my Diabetes diagnosis. It seems strange, but I can't imagine my life without Diabetes. My life with this disease has had its ups and downs, but I rest in the confidence that God allowed me to have this for a reason. He knows I can handle it. I know that I will look back one day and see how Diabetes has worked in my life in a mysterious and God-driven way. I already count myself blessed that I didn't get Diabetes when I was a child. I was old enough to take responsibility for my own treatment. I can't imagine the hardships that a family goes through when their young child is diagnosed with this. I suppose I might find out, if I am ever blessed with children, since there is a chance that they could have Diabetes as well.

 “So I’ll wait till kingdom come/ All the highs and lows are gone/ A little bit longer and I’ll be fine/ I’ll be fine” In heaven, where there is no more sorrow, pain, or Diabetes, I will finally be able to speak to my Lord face to face. Then I can truly thank Him for everything, including taking care of me as I lived with my Diabetes here on earth. For now, I will rest in His arms and trust Him to carry me through every trial.

Naturally Me

I love nature, but I'm also quite the indoor girl. This is a puzzle I've yet to work out.
I love being outside, but I don't like the bugs. I love being in the sun, but I wear spf 100 to keep from getting burned. I love swimming, but mostly in a pool. I love reading outside, but only if I have a blanket otherwise the grass makes me itchy and I get too many bugs on me.

One of my favorite things is taking a long, solitary walk through the trails at Jayboo. I simply love it there. The path is nice and paved and there are many ways to get down to the creek to find a quite spot to pray or journal. The beauty of the trees, the babble of the brook, and the way the sun shines through the leafy canopy onto the path is just breath-taking.

I feel closer to God when I am out in nature. I find it easier to focus on Him when I am at one of my many hidden spots down by the creek (even when I get momentarily distracted by a serpent winding its way through the water).

Needless to say, one of my primary means of worship is nature. My other two methods of worship often come out when I am in nature. If I am walking and worshiping I sing songs of praise, or love songs I've imagined a more Jesus/me meaning to ~ thus another act of worship for me is music. I also imagine Jesus is beside me, holding my hand, playing with my hair, carrying me in His arms ~ this is known as the "holding hands with Jesus" means of worship. I use visualization to imagine Him with me. This makes Him more real and present in my life as well as brings me great comfort when I feel alone (which happens in a crowded room sometimes).

It's funny, but I can't talk about what I love about nature without talking about Jesus. :) My favorite things in nature are flowers (esp. Roses), creeks, trees, sunshine (which I lack here), mountains, cool grass beneath my toes, wind blowing my hair, and fog rolling in making things look mysterious.

My favorite season is Autumn. I love the way the leaves change colors, I love the crunch as I crush the fallen ones under my feet. I love the steely grey sky that stands over the change in foliage. I love the crisp chill in the air. I love that I have to bundle up and start wearing jackets and scarves again. Fall has always made me happy. (Also, two of my favorite holidays are in fall as well as my sister and my birthdays)

My other favorite time of year is spring and early summer. I love all the flowers that bloom. I love the flowering trees that rain down petals on unsuspecting passersby. I love the sunshine and the bright colors of the flora.

I love roses best of any flower, maybe because Rose is my middle name. They are so beautiful. As a child, pink roses were my favorite, but now as I grow older I find that I like red roses best. I see roses as showing the life of a girl. When girls are young they are pink roses, full of innocence and princess-dreams, as girls grow older they become more mature and sophisticated and are more like a red rose, which usually symbolizes romantic love, they come to the age when they choose to be in relationships and get married. Later, when they are grandmothers, they are sweet little old ladies, and they make me think of yellow roses. The best analogy between girls and roses is the white rose. My prayer is that every girl would be a slow-blooming white rose who will be pure in what she does and save herself for her wedding day when that white dress will not be merely because of tradition, but because she has kept herself pure for God and her husband.

In sum, I am a big nature girl. I love being outside because it brings me closer to the one who created all the beauty I see around me. I pray that I will always live close to beautiful nature and I hope that someday I might have a garden (if I'm not too lazy). I'm am a white-picket fence, rose garden type of girl. :)

Next stop on this blog: Adventureland!!

More Ponies

Ponies take two.

I've been watching more episodes of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and have learned more fun lessons about friendship involving the other ponies: Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy.

Let's start with the kind and shy Fluttershy.

She was terribly afraid to help her pony friends deal with something scary, but when she saw how much they needed her, she overcame her fear and was able to save the day. Throughout the episode she was unable to even voice her fear to her friends. I think that she should be a lesson to us all that opening up about your feelings is important, even when you are afraid to. Things will be better if your friends know how you feel about something, otherwise they will just run over your feelings without meaning to and you will build resentment toward them. Opening up when you have a problem is important for keeping good communication and open relationships.

Next, we find our fiesty little Rainbow Dash.

She was overly concerned with competition and caused a lot of trouble because she crossed the line of friendly competition into an attitude of needing to win at all costs--no matter what happened to the relationships she hurt along the way. She eventually found that she needed to care more about the pony than her pride in a title. Relationships are always more important.

Finally, we have the fashionista Rarity,

She wanted to do something nice for her friends, she even went through a ton of hard work and do-overs to make things just the way they wanted--even though it started out as a generous free gift from her. She learned that she didn't need to over commit herself, it just wore her out. She also needed to learn to let things go and not strive to make them absolutely perfect. Her friends needed to understand that when someone offers you a free gift, it's not right for you to critique and give lots of ways it could be improved. You need to accept the gift with thanks for the generosity of your friend.

Anyway, this wraps up my pony discussion. I don't know that I will talk about ponies any more. So, I don't know what my next blog topic will be. A rousing discussion of my feelings about still being stuck at home may come up soon.

So my question to you, my readers and fellow members of Jayboo, what would you like to hear about? Is there a topic you would like to hear me discuss, or an event you want to hear about, or even a show you are interested in hearing about?
I'm open to suggestion.

Until next time, pony out! :)

For AnyPony who Cares

Ponies. Yup. Apparently I've got nothing better to do than post about...ponies. Well, here goes. I've started watching My Little Pony Friendship is Magic again. This show is pretty legit. It's cute and funny and I'm not above watching cartoons made for kids half my age. It's funny how, just like Winnie the Pooh, each pony is a caricature of a personality type. This show teaches about friendship and also gives little girls role models of good friends who are all different and yet they get along.

It's funny to see yourself and your friends in this show. It makes me smile every time it reminds me of my friends. :)

The show stars each of the six ponies in turn, but the main pony is Twilight Sparkle.

She is a smart, book-loving pony who is more introverted than some of the others. She is learning about what it means to be a good friend. Sometimes she has the answers, but sometimes another pony's strength helps her gain wisdom. In the episode I just watched, she learned that being who you are and using your talents is not showing off, as long as it's not done in a bragging way. I think this is good advice. We need to embrace who we are without shoving it in other people's faces.

Perhaps that's the best lead into the pony I'm most like: Pinkie Pie.

Spastic, party-throwing, giggly Pinkie Pie is super random and silly. Now, I hope you all know that I have more depth to me than just Pinkie Pie's shallow personality, but she fits me as a caricature. Generally positive and bringing the spirit of laughter, she is fun to be around...in small doses. In an episode I watched earlier, I saw that Pinkie Pie was getting on Rainbow Dash's nerves so much that she was running away from her. I see this as a caution to myself. I don't want to be so crazy and out-there that I drive people away. Just because I'm an outgoing person who likes to do silly things doesn't mean I have to be that way all the time. Small doses of my Pinkie Pie-ness are okay (I think), but I don't want to be a sugar overload, please let me know if I'm ever too crazy and silly, I don't want to be annoying.

Another episode I watched talked about how AppleJack was trying to do something all by herself and wouldn't let anyone help her.

She was convinced that she could do it alone and that she had something to prove by doing so. I think all of us have done this at some point. The problem is that you must learn that your friends want to help out. They want to make things easier for you. Often your stubborn refusal of their help makes them more unhappy than if you let them share your burden. Letting others help is a good way to humble ones pride.

I haven't yet seen an episode that talks about Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, or Rarity, but when I do I'll probably post another blog about what they can teach me.

Anyway, this was a fun and silly post. I hope my dear ponies AppleJack and Twilight Sparkle know that I love 'em and can't wait to see them back at the University. ;)

(note, these posts about these ponies are not to bear any mark as to my opinion of their human counterparts, these are just the lessons learned in these episodes)

Princess Lessons

The other day I got a bracelet in the mail. It was from my Disney Movie Rewards club and made of sterling sliver and swarovski crystal. It contains ten charms, five are the names of five Disney princess, the other five charms are symbols of each princess. A Shell for Ariel, Spinning wheel for Aurora, Apple for Snow White, Slipper for Cinderella, and a Rose for Belle. Now, this is a pretty bracelet and I am excited to have it, but as I thought about it, it put me in mind of the lessons I can learn from each of those five princesses.

These ideas are not new to me, I've spent some time thinking about what lessons the princesses can teach us. In fact, it's been something I've wanted to write my own versions of the fairy tales that are about these aspects of the princesses.

Let's start with the first Princess, Snow White. She showed kindness and good work ethic. 

When she found herself all on her own, she made do with what she had. She had cleaned in the palace, so when she found a messy home she presumed was full of kids, she set about doing what she knew best. She took care of the dwarves and was kind to each and every one of them, even Grumpy. She showed that, even when your circumstances are bad, you can still show kindness to others.

1 Timothy 5:10 ESV 

And having a reputation for good works: if she has brought up children, has shown hospitality, has washed the feet of the saints, has cared for the afflicted, and has devoted herself to every good work.

Proverbs 19:17 ESV

Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will repay him for his deed.

Cinderella demonstrates humility and forgiveness.

Even thought she is mistreated by her step family, she is never cross with them. She humbly does whatever they ask of her. She is reduced to a servant in her own house, but she does not allow it to turn her bitter. She doesn't go to the ball to parade herself around, confident in her own beauty and worth, but rather she just wants to be a part of something so beautiful. This is what I believe the Prince found so attractive about her.

Philippians 2:1-30 ESV
 "Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, ..."

She also forgives her sisters. Pardon my departure from the Disney version; in the original fairy tale, Cinderella asks her step family to come live with her at the palace and gets handsome husbands for her step sisters. Cinderella was subjected to great injustice, but through it all she showed herself to be of good character.

1 Peter 2:19-23 ESV

For this is a gracious thing, when, mindful of God, one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly. For what credit is it if, when you sin and are beaten for it, you endure? But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God. For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.

Ephesians 4:32 ESV 

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

 Sleeping beauty shows us patience.

This is more about what the story teaches us than what the character does. Since she is put to sleep in a dangerous world, full of hate, and awakens to bliss and happiness, we can conclude that she is better off for having been asleep. Now, in the Disney version, we can learn that, because she slumbered, the great evil of Maleficent was killed.

Jeremiah 29:11 ESV

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

In the original fairy tale, sleeping beauty sleeps for 100 years and is woken with the kiss of a prince. Throughout the years, other princes had tried to reach the palace surrounded by thorns, but they had perished in the brambles. I take this version as a good analogy for a young woman's heart. If Sleeping Beauty had been awake (and looking at guys), she would have likely met and married another young man. If she hadn't slept for 100 years, she would have never met the young prince she ended up marrying (he wasn't alive 100 years ago). The thorns were protecting her, waiting for the right time, and the right guy before they fell harmlessly away to reveal the sleeping princess. Her patience was rewarded with a fairy tale ending.

Romans 8:25 ESV

But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

Song of Solomon 8:4 ESV

 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.

Ariel, perhaps the least chaste princess here, demonstrates curiosity, passion, and self-sacrifice.

Don't get me wrong, I love Ariel, but she is not as much of a role model as some of the other Disney Princesses. She falls head over fin for a human, disobeys her father, and inadvertently puts the whole kingdom in danger by making a deal with the Sea Witch. In the movie, we can admire her curiosity that causes her to seek knowledge and new experiences. The passion she feels for Eric causes her to give up her life under the ocean and her voice. She does not do things halfway. I suppose her passion reminds me of myself, and the trouble we can get into if it goes unchecked. In the movie, she gets to live happily ever after with her prince, however, in the original fairy tale by Hans Christian Anderson, she dies.

Ariel shows great self-sacrifice in the fairy tale. She watches helplessly as her prince marries another girl. Then, knowing she is going to die soon, since she failed to make him love her, she is given an opportunity to live as a mermaid again. In order to live, she has to kill her prince. She refuses and plunges herself into the ocean where she is sure she will become only sea-foam. Instead, she becomes a "daughter of the air" and is given the chance to do good deeds to earn an immortal soul because of her selfless action.

John 15:13 ESV

Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

John 12:25 ESV 

Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.

Finally, we come to my favorite princess: Belle, who teaches us about placing others first, having a confident strength, and who does not just look at the exterior of a person.

Belle lives in a small town with her father and is always supportive of him. Though her father's oddities affect her social life in town, Belle loves him too much to care. She is not silly, or easily impressed by Gaston. She is a critical thinker who furthers her mind through reading. She does not sit idly by, but rather, she pursues knowledge. When her father is captured, she sacrifices herself and places her father's safety before her own.

She is also a kind, yet strong young woman. Her knowledge was put to good use as she was faced with the Beast. The silly sisters from the town would have never been able to do what Belle did when she tamed the Beast. She was able to stand up to both the Beast and Gaston. She did not allow herself to be pushed around, yet she was still kind to the Beast and saw his hidden heart of gold. It was her ability to not, pardon the cliché, judge a book by it's cover, that we should admire. She saw Gaston had the heart of a pig, even though he was handsome. She rejected this and fell in love with the golden heart of the ugly Beast.

1 Sam 16:7  ESV
But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.”

John 7:24 ESV

Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.”

In the original fairy tale, Belle kept having dreams about a prince who needed to be rescued. She fell in love with the prince of her dreams, literally, but she had to give him up and love the Beast. It was her choice to love the Beast instead of the dream prince that allowed the spell to be broken and the Beast to turn into that very Prince. If she hadn't given the prince up, she would have never been united with him.

Belle demonstrates a lot of the great qualities of love listed in 1 Corinthians, and Gaston is shows the opposite of love. They stand as polar opposites; is it any wonder that Belle chose someone who demonstrated true love to her in return?

1 Corinthians 13:4-13 ESV

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. ...

Anyway, I hope that I will always remember these virtues when I wear this bracelet and think about these princesses. I hope you enjoyed hearing my thoughts on some of the most iconic Disney Princesses. :)